I'm being so silly lately…
At least I can admit it though.
I realize that I have someone in my life who cares about me deeply and who I care for as well but I know I am ruining things.
What is all this talk of love if I am throwing away a chance to find it?
I can make excuses all day long; maybe I'm scared, think it's bad timing, I enjoy single life, or maybe he's just not the right one. It must be that, because it's obviously nothing I'm doing wrong.
False.
Being away from home for a while made me realize I have so many great people in my life. A few of those people are great guys who I have a past or present relationship with, but I'm not sure I can choose one over another. There are obviously reasons why I enjoy spending time with different people every once and a while.
This time a year ago I was beginning a relationship with someone which lasted a few months and looking back on it makes me not want something serious again. I've come to realize the type of person I want to be with and can't seem to settle for anything less.
I want maturity, friendship and someone I enjoy being around.
I like people who are chill and anti-drama…I can't stand aggression or jealously.
My attitude lately, however, has been anything but the calm, chill, anti-drama person that I know myself to be. I've been causing lots of drama. Since I've been home my single city life has been taking over most evenings which lead me to acting flirtatiously with a few friends who knowingly understand the foolishness of the whole thing…less understanding is their acquaintance, the guy who likes me. I'm trying to fix this, but my mind won't let me stop acting out.
Maybe I don’t want to devote the time to make it work.
Maybe I need to focus on something other than this drama.
Maybe I like being single for now.
Or maybe I found someone else I want to be with but they won't be with me.
Just maybe…
I realize that I have someone in my life who cares about me deeply and who I care for as well but I know I am ruining things.
What is all this talk of love if I am throwing away a chance to find it?
I can make excuses all day long; maybe I'm scared, think it's bad timing, I enjoy single life, or maybe he's just not the right one. It must be that, because it's obviously nothing I'm doing wrong.
False.
Being away from home for a while made me realize I have so many great people in my life. A few of those people are great guys who I have a past or present relationship with, but I'm not sure I can choose one over another. There are obviously reasons why I enjoy spending time with different people every once and a while.
This time a year ago I was beginning a relationship with someone which lasted a few months and looking back on it makes me not want something serious again. I've come to realize the type of person I want to be with and can't seem to settle for anything less.
I want maturity, friendship and someone I enjoy being around.
I like people who are chill and anti-drama…I can't stand aggression or jealously.
My attitude lately, however, has been anything but the calm, chill, anti-drama person that I know myself to be. I've been causing lots of drama. Since I've been home my single city life has been taking over most evenings which lead me to acting flirtatiously with a few friends who knowingly understand the foolishness of the whole thing…less understanding is their acquaintance, the guy who likes me. I'm trying to fix this, but my mind won't let me stop acting out.
Maybe I don’t want to devote the time to make it work.
Maybe I need to focus on something other than this drama.
Maybe I like being single for now.
Or maybe I found someone else I want to be with but they won't be with me.
Just maybe…
