One Morning

There is a car,
unfamiliar to memory,

so it gets a second glance.
I cross the threshold like I do every morning and remove my suede shoes.

My joyful steps upon entrance are quickly diverted to hushed tones.
I whisper across the floor and down the steps one

                                                                        by one

                                                                           by one.

Happy friends dress quietly behind closed doors.

The laughter and loyalty of language is a hospitable banter.

I knock.
You arrive at the door with a scare in your sight—

visions of last night in your eyes.

The air reeks of your tangled bodies;
it knocks me out.

I’m speechless—inside I scream.

Her puzzled look is imperfection,

but I think it’s her usual appearance.

I lay my hands on you in an unfamiliar affection.

I don’t use words, just one.

Pick up my feet— I run.

Run from you and your flaking promises,

past the house we built, and every memory I dare to ditch.

I slow my pace somewhere between our town and the next.

I double over;
I’ve been cut in two.

There’s no surviving this.
It’s a pain I can’t contain

and it spills over into rage.
You aren’t quick on the move,

but you come after me
to bring a half-ass apology as bait.

Excuses aren’t excused
and I’m in no mood for sympathy.

If you can find it in your heart, you will let me go,

let me go on living in this misery.

Your conflicting personalities have worn me out;

lover or fighter—you can’t be both

and you have lost your balance too many times.

I’m tired of running from you so I stop to catch my breath.

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt the open air.

The sun on my skin gives a warm welcome.

Out here I can see for miles,
without your suffocation

or fear of stepping over the line.

Words, phrases, names and countries I was refused

to speak have formed at the edge of my lips,
“freedom.”

I wipe the smudges off my watch and eagerly read the time—

I still have time.
The day is young and so am I.

Determined not to take any steps backwards,

I never turn.
I rally my heart and continue forward.