Wednesday.

Kisses sweet your lips have took
Silence, lullabies have shook
Dancing circles sweetly 'round
Come to me and lay me down

Sheets of silk our legs embrace
Sadness, hearts will never taste
Passion whispered quietly
Whilst you're lying next to me

Honesty, Honestly.

You’ll never know how much time you have until it’s passed
When seeing someone you love, may be your last

Lately my honesty is anything but a virtue. I feel like I’m losing more than I’m gaining. Is it possibly that honesty isn’t always the best policy?

I hate playing games when it comes to my heart. If I’m playing games than most likely its infatuation or I’m scared for some reason. But more commonly, I have been approaching matters of the heart a lot more seriously.

Why does it take so many years of small flirtations and bad timing to realize that you might actually have someone great in front of you?
Recently something changed that made me see things this way. There is never any time like the present and I’m not sure if I wait that my feelings will be as strong. So I did something stupid…I was honest. I said “honestly, I like you.” Simply that I care for someone and would like to see what would happen if we finally took the time to try after all these years. What’s the not typical response I received…questions…of why now, and what do you want from this. Insert more questions…and from me a “never mind” quickly rang from my voice.

I know what I want, it’s honesty.
And if someone can’t show the same respect in return I’m not sure how much it’s worth.
I don’t need much, just some type of passion or some awareness to the fact that we’ve spent over half a decade silently fawning over each other. I guess I’m not for the shy hearted.
But after my first big gesture I don’t think the next step needs to be made by me. How am I supposed to know how I feel is still as mutual.
I’m afraid if I don’t take the time to try this now, it’ll be a long time until these feeling resurface again. I’ve done a good job of keeping my emotions buried.

The greatest

Just finished watching the greatest love story of our time, Atonement.
I’ve seen it before, but it deserves repeated watching, since you’ll begin to understand the characters and plot more (since the scenes skip around a bit).
Honestly though, there is a pain in my chest.
It’s not one of those movies where I begin to sob by the end because it’s so touching, but one where I feel my throat begin to close as the pain from my heart works it way up. I feel a tingle in my nose, and like a rushing wave, the tears instantly begin to pour…fast and silent as I take in what I’ve seen. There is no tragedy like it. It’s said that greatest love is forbidden love, but beyond that is love that is lost.

Lately, my obsession with love has brought me to begin reading great love stories. In my small bookshelf in my flat, I have lined up Atonement, Pride and Prejudice, Tristan and Isolde, the Notebook and more to follow. Romance is a topic I know not enough about. The honesty that is written in these love stories is no less than the greatest words ever placed on a page.
They are true and poetic.
They do not always have a need for happy endings and the timeline makes no matter to its story. Some love takes a lifetime and lasts one too, but the most tragic and the strongest love of all are the stolen moments where the touch of someone’s hand keeps you hoping. It is knowing that they’re waiting for you and promising to see them again; the tragedy is being unable to. It’s a love that aches the heart of the reader or audience…It’s the pain of knowing what could have been, if only things had happened differently.
It’s my new obsession.

Tick, tock..

Ticking clock goes right, right

Eyes wide open all the night

Tousled sheets, this bed won't know

Dream; a place I can not go

Let’s pause from this whole Love topic and discuss what is beginning to be a new problem in my life:

Sleep. It’s not that I can’t fall asleep; it’s that once I am asleep I don’t wake up. I’ve tried setting my alarm on loud all the way across the room but I just fall back asleep and sleep through the entire day. We’re talking until like 3 or 4 in the afternoon. It may be that my body is resorting back to the time in the east coast USA, but who knows.
My last resort is that I just don’t sleep at all.
If I have class four hours from now what good will it do to say “oh I’ll just take a short nap.” When I know I’ll just sleep through it, again. And I have time in the afternoon to sleep for a few hours after I meet with my tutor.
The worst part is I am beginning to get incredibly tired. My mind is becoming slow and distracted…so these sentences may not make sense. I actually took my contacts out tonight, threw them away got out a new pair for the morning…opened them, put them in and proceeded to put my glasses on as well…no idea what I was doing.
I may need to rest, really…and what am I going to do while I wait for 8:30 to role around? Watch a movie that I won’t pay attention to, cause I’m too tired. Well, I already have the movie Australia starting on another page, so I guess I’ll get back to that.
Happy sleeping everyone.

"And now, I’ll stop the storm if it rains"

A few shorts written quickly...inspired by my time living here in London.
18th January-

1.
We walk the streets paved in rain
As one more dreamer makes their stain
But cold it's not, for in your smile
I'll take a glass and stay a while.

2.
Gentle winds about do blow
Faint rains a steady course don't know
As heads forbidden sleep to take
A book to read or call to make

3.
She doesn't seem to understand
how loneliness dealt her this hand.
Looking hasn't found it easy,
Step back, give up, until you find me.

4.
The air smells sweet from this side of town
And the winds do shake the earth from its ground
But quiet looks from untrained eyes
Only know sweet tunes to cry.

5.
The grayest of skies knows its truth;
No sun to shine in this loves youth.
Only cold sheets wrap me tight,
Only dreams to keep me warm tonight.